Thursday, April 10, 2008

Cat food that sounds better than people food

I do a lot of the dinner cooking in our home. Wife get’s busy with the youngest, doing homework. Our youngest has some learning disabilities, so homework takes longer. While I’m cooking, I turn on the evening news. There seem to be only two types of commercials. The pharmaceutical companies selling pills. And the cat food commercials. We have two cats. Wife believes in supplying them with a cafeteria. They have two or three different dry foods down and one wet food. None of it looks anything like what they show on television. On the TV ad’s, it’s always spring time, the cat is healthy and sleek. At our place, well, it’s different. The cats are fat and sleep all day. And then wake us up about midnight to Yeowl at the moon. And then they go to sleep until about 5 AM when they YELOWL again. Even when you toss them out, they fall asleep. They sleep in the middle of the yard, in the driveway, under the cars, in the flowers. They sleep 22 out of a 24 hour day.

So I’m standing there making dinner and listening to cat food commercials. The cat food on the TV looks better than what I’m cooking! Hey, I’m not a bad cook. It’s just that Taco’s out of a box, looks about like cat food. So I’m listening to this cat food description and I’m flat amazed. It sounds like a gourmet meal at a five star restaurant.

“The new Kitty Delight cat food is specially designed to enhance the dining experience for your favorite feline. All of our foods are prepared from special recipes developed by our own chefs in our laboratories. We pride ourselves on using only USDA quality ingredients, such as real tuna, salmon, turkey, beef and duck. For a well balanced diet, we include 23 essential vitamins to help keep your precious pet healthy. We only use the freshest grains our buyers can fine. We search the world for the proper rice, lettuce and peas for your cats. We maintain strict quality controls over all our manufacturing processes, so that you and your cat are assured the highest quality foods for your pet.”
Meanwhile, the cat and human are smiling and petting and such. Well, the lady is smiling and petting the cat. What did you think?! The cat is doing what ever cats do, which is not much. The cat food is sitting in a china plate, flowers in vase in the background, the cat runs up all happy to be eating the stuff.

Marketing blather at it’s best! I’m waiting for the sprig of parsley next to the cat food. Oh, there it is...

Let’s try for some reality.

“The new Kitty Delight cat food is some ground up parts of parts of animals that were not fit for human consumption. We toss in enough preservatives to make this stuff have its own half life. Most of what it is, is horse meat, pig guts, a few turnkey bones, and duck bills all ground up. We included those recalled vitamins and ground them up also. For some cheap bulk filler, we get tofu. We get that crap by the boat load from the Far East, where it is grown by political prisons. We grind this mess all up and pore it into some rusty cans we buy second hand. We cook it for a while, so it has some gravy”
Meanwhile the cat is shown pulling the legs off a cricket, batting the tail off a lizard. The human sobers up and opens a can of this goo and plops it into a plastic dish. Kitty comes a running, as the human only sobers up and remembers to feed it about twice a week. Through the smears on the kitchen window, you can see the three feet tall weeds waving over top of the busted washing machine on the porch. Like this bruiser.

Here is the beans I was cooking while dreaming up this drither.

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